I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
