Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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