clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
