hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
