i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
