he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
