Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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