Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
