Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
