Don't you send me to vm
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
