Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
