I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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