I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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