It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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