I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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