All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
