I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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