meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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