If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
