she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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