I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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