I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
