I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
