I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
