A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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