I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
