first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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