I wanna bring you to show and tell
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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