if you like me you must not know who I am
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
