Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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