My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
