I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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