so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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