I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
