i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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