Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
