OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
