You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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