I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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