Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
