$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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