Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
