I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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