Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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