Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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