pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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