I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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