New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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