need another drink. this is the easiest way
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
