I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
