Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
